Getting Overwhelmed

Posted on October 26, 2009 by danineAdmin

I can admit it. I’ve been overwhelmed lately. I’m on disability and trying to become self-employed through freelance writing. Because of my disabilities and health problems, I’ve thought long and hard about what kind of work I can do, what I’m physically able to do. (If you’re going to comment on this post, please don’t judge me or make crappy comments. You don’t have to live life in my shoes so you can’t possibly know what it’s like. I do the best I can. On that note, any unsupportive comments like “get a job” will be deleted.)

I decided to pursue a writing career late last winter. I began by practicing writing articles (like this one). I started submitting columns (like this one to Bitch). In the spring, I started building up my website and building up my online presence, including using Twitter. In June, I got a few big breaks. First, Bitch picked up my piece on Meghan McCain.

Also, on June 9th, I sent a letter to my congressional delegation, Rep. Dave Obey, Sen. Russ Feingold and Sen. Herb Kohl, telling them about what I’ve been through and asking them to support the public option. A week later, Sen. Feingold’s office called and asked to tell my story in a speech he was going to give in support of the public option on the Senate floor.

After the speech, which was humbling and awe-inspiring, I used the moment to do some major networking, which led to my semi-regular contributions to the Women’s Rights blog at Change.org. Since then, I have guest-posted on other blogs and networked with other feminists, but I am feeling kind of stuck. I’ve built up something of a portfolio but how do I make a living at this writing thing?

The long and short of it is that I’ve been beating myself up lately. I’ll figure out the money thing. I’ve already got some ideas for what to do next but I freely admit that I’ve been frustrated lately. Why is this writing/self-employed thing so hard? Will I ever be able to make a living at it? Why did this illness/injury happen to me? And there we go, now I’ve overshared.

But here’s the reason for this post: I’ve got to take a deep breath and give myself a break. I took a four-day mini vacay this weekend and basically didn’t let myself think about anything at all. (You would not believe how many games of Bejewled Blitz I played on Facebook yesterday as I listened to the football games in the background.) I’ve got to remember that this will all work out. I will figure this writing career thing out. I just need to be nicer to myself.

Ashley over at the Small Strokes blog has been going through a rough time herself lately and has also decided to give herself a break. In fact, she’s declared today Love Myself Day and encourages everyone to do the same. Here’s her new mantra:

I am going to love myself enough to know and respect my limits, and to not talk myself into feeling worthless when something takes a little longer to get done than I expected. I am going to feel great about all of the good things I am doing, and I am going to make time in my life for the things that are important to me.

I’m going to try to do these things. I may not always succeed but I’ll try. Rome wasn’t built in a day, right?
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Love Your Body Day

Posted on October 23, 2009 by danineAdmin

I’m a little late to this, but Wednesday was Love Your Body Day. Rather than do the usual post about my struggle to accept my body because it’s not a size 2, let me tell you why I love my body:

I love my body because it can type this sentence on the keyboard.

I love my body because it can tell my friends and family I love them using my own voice.

I love my body because it can walk across a room, street, block, and keep going a while before I get really tired.

I love my body because it can bend down and smell the roses in my garden.

I love my body because it can climb stairs.

I love my body because it can sit upright in a chair, recliner and couch. It can also get in and out of those things without assistance.

I love my body because it can swallow food and liquids (including Diet Coke!) without aspirating.

I love my body because it can read magazines, books and computer screens.

I love my body because it can hug people.

I love my body because it can brush my teeth, wash my face and do other fun stuff like that.

I love my body because it can play with this awesome Super-Soaker I got for my birthday this year.

And finally, on a serious note, I love my body because it can breathe on its own and my heart is healthy.

Four and a half years ago, my body couldn’t do any of these things. I laid in an ICU, paralyzed from the neck down. I was on an ventilator and had cardiomyopathy. They were considering a pacemaker. I couldn’t move anything above my neck. I couldn’t speak or swallow. They didn’t know if I would live, let alone walk again. I am lucky to be alive. I am lucky that I am able to experience each new day. I am beyond lucky that I am able to experience these things I listed above every day. The simple act of typing, of moving my fingers because my brain tells them to is nothing short of a miracle. I try very hard not to take that for granted.

That’s why I love my body.
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Women Are Fantasy Football Nincompoops

Posted on September 29, 2009 by danineAdmin

Last night’s Cowboys-Panthers game wrapped Week 3 of the NFL season. More importantly, we are now about a third of the way through the 10-week regular season for fantasy football.

A recent NPR All Things Considered segment estimated that there are approximated 20 million people who play fantasy football. Fantasy football isn’t just for men, though:

According to [Yahoo's David] Geller, more than 14 percent of Yahoo’s fantasy football players are female, and new online tools now make the game more accessible to both sexes.

NPR reporter Katia Dunn profiles two women in an “all-girls” league in Arlington, Va., while they are having their draft (picking their players):

[Jeanette] Casselano and her teammate Susie Schoenberger say it’s a slightly different game with women. Both admitted that looks sometimes played into their picks.”

I’m sure many guys don’t pick some of their players based on looks,” Schoenberger says. While explaining that looks don’t often factor into picks, Schoenberger says she occasionally chooses players on that basis.

We play just as hard and watch the games every weekend and really enjoy it. We know what’s going on and can intelligently talk about it.
- Jeanette Casselano

“I guess if all of your favorite players were gone and that’s all you had to go on, OK, yes, for sure,” she says.

Dunn also makes sure to let us know that men are threatened by the little ladies horning in on their precious boys’ club.

Paul Charchian, president of the Fantasy Sports Trade Association and host of a fantasy football radio show, says the men he talks to haven’t minded women joining them on the virtual field. In fact, for men who are married to these fantasy enthusiasts, it’s a point of pride.

“It’s almost one-upping your friends who have to try to carve out a few hours to sit in front of the TV on Sunday because their wife doesn’t like it,” Charchian says. “And they don’t understand it and it’s an area of contention.”

Charchian also says there’s more to men enjoying their partners’ interest in fantasy football than simple camaraderie. “It is hot. Absolutely,” he says.

Many of these men are so happy, Charchian says, to be sharing the game with their spouses that they don’t even mind losing to them.

I don’t play fantasy football because it’s “hot” or because I want a man’s approval.

I play because I want to win.

I started playing fantasy football last year when my best friend asked me to join her family’s league. I didn’t really know anything about football but I thought, “Why not?” I was at my BFF’s house when we did our draft and she helped me choose my players. Once the season got started, I really got into it. I’m competitive and I don’t like to lose. My main objective was to beat my BFF and everyone in her family. I had always been the girl who didn’t know anything about sports and was picked last for the team, you know? I didn’t want them to think I was a dumb girl, an easy win.

I decided to learn everything I needed to know in order to win, especially after I got shellacked by a really good opponent in Week 1 I was embarrassed that he beat me and I didn’t want it to happen again. I was also embarrassed that he had gotten the really good players and wanted to know how he had done it. How did he know to pick those players?

I started reading the fantasy football blogs every day. I analyzed my players’ stats each week and monitored how they were doing in practice. I played the waiver wire and added and dropped players like crazy, tweaking my roster so I could have the best players available each week. The long and short of it is that I learned the game. At Labor Day, I had no idea what the difference was between a wide receiver, running back or tight end, but I finished third in my league, ahead of everyone in my BFF’s family. (The first and second place winners were family friends like I was. By the way, first place was a woman. Second place was the guy who beat me that first week and a very formidable opponent.)

Last year’s league had five women and five men. This year we have four women and six men. (We have a ten player league.) I probably won’t spend as much time on the league as I did last year but it doesn’t mean I want to win any less.

Because I’m a Helper:

What the heck is fantasy football?

Remember When 'You Play Like A Girl' Used To Be An Insult?

Posted on August 28, 2009 by danineAdmin

play-like-a-girl I went Facebook yesterday and while I was looking at my newsfeed, I noticed that my 12-year-old niece had added this “Piece of Flair”. I can’t tell you how much I love this.

Our society worships at the altar of the 90210 stick-girls and calls Jannifer Love Hewitt “plus-size” and “curvy” for wearing a size four. At the same time, the First Lady is crucified for having pride in her athletic arms and legs. (OMG, did you see that she actually wore shorts on vacation on Martha’s Vineyard? Like, how totally unheard of.)

On the other hand, maybe Michelle Obama’s positive body image is having a ripple effect. Let’s face it: The parallels to Jackie Kennedy are not unfounded. She is educated, classy, beautiful and glamorous. Jackie O’s signature item was her sunglasses. Michelle O’s are her healthy, toned upper arms. Admit it: you’re jealous as hell. I am. I think Michelle Obama’s lasting legacy will be to be healthier and have a positive body image. I think she’s having an effect already.

My niece is trying out for the volleyball team at her school. I have no doubt that she’ll make the team, but even if she doesn’t, I love that she is taking pride in her body’s strenth and power. Strength is beautiful. Health is beautiful. It’s not just about a number on a scale or a dress size.

Pleasantly Plump or Pathetically Unhealthy?

Posted on August 27, 2009 by danineAdmin

I was back at the clinic this morning for another experiment in that Evil Demon known as Socialized Medicine. (Cue the Carmina Burana soundtrack.) I was in the dressing room about to change into the ultra-flattery hospital gown for an ultra-fun test when I looked in the mirror and saw this:

Me looking "pleasantly plump" - and liking it! 8/27/2009

I thought, “Wow, I look really cute. I like how I look in this shirt and these jeans. I like my curves. I look, dare I say it… pleasantly plump?”

I was feeling pretty good about myself when I walked out to the small waiting area. Well, that is until I noticed the story on the morning talk show (I think it was the Today Show). The perky, skinny host and guest were talking about how important it is to reduce inches around our middle sections to reduce our risk for heart disease and other fun afflictions.

What the hell, universe? I couldn’t have even one moment of feeling good about myself without being reminded I’m an unhealthy pig?

I guess the larger question is, what is the balance between striving for better health and still maintaining a good self-esteem? How does the media educate the public on prevention and wellness and not make us hate ourselves at the same time?

I don’t have any answers. In fact, after my appointment, I decided to give the cosmos a ginormous “Screw You!” and headed to McDonalds for an Egg McMuffin meal. With a Diet Coke, of course.

The local Mickey D's - 8/27/2009

Being Anti-Obama Is Not the Same As Being Anti-Bush

Posted on August 24, 2009 by danineAdmin

Some on the right, such as the birthers, deathers and teabaggers, have insisted their anti-Obama rhetoric and behavior is acceptable because “the left did the same thing to Bush.” When he appeared on Meet the Press recently, FreedomWorks’ Dick Armey tried tried this argument again:

DAVID GREGORY: Do you bear some responsibility for the tone of the debate?

FMR. REP. DICK ARMEY (R-TX): Not, not whatsoever. Not when you see the kind of extreme thing you just saw, the—you know, I had my differences with President Bush, George W. Bush, there’s no doubt about it. They were well aware of that. But when moveon.org ran those ads that compared President Bush with, with Adolf Hitler, I thought it was despicable.

MS. RACHEL MADDOW: They never did that.

REP. ARMEY: They did do it. I’ll show you the ad.

MS. MADDOW: They didn’t do that. They never ran an ad that compared…

REP. ARMEY: All right. Anyway. All right.

MS. MADDOW: MoveOn never ran an ad that compared Bush to Hitler.

Um, Rachel, you know I adore you and all that, right? Moveon.org did do that. Here’s the ad. It’s not cool.

Still, the “Bush is Hitler” didn’t take root with most of the Democratic party. Despite what we thought about what happened in Florida and the Supreme Court decision in 2000, those of us who voted for Al Gore accepted that George W. Bush became the 43rd President of the United States on January 20, 2001. When the transfer of power from the Clinton administration to the Bush administration was complete, most of us took a deep sigh and hoped for the best.

I believed (and still do) that George W. Bush was a good man. I wasn’t sure he was up to the job of being president but was reassured that he had chosen Dick Cheney for his Vice President. Foolishly, I thought Cheney’s competence and experience would be enough to keep our country afloat. How could I know he would use his political expertise to advance his personal agenda?

But as usual, I digress. I do like a tangent.

Most Gore voters accepted Bush as our president and moved on. (No pun intended.) He was our commander in chief on September 11, 2001, and all of those scary days that followed. He was our commander-in-chief as we went to war in Afghanistan. As the Bush administration began to make the case for the Iraq war, many people had doubts. There were anti-war protests but the anti-war/anti-Bush sentiment didn’t take root with the American left.

Maybe I can only speak for myself and my family, friends and neighbors who share my beliefs. (There are many who don’t.) We may dislike Bush’s decisions, policies and actions, but I highly doubt anyone of us would say he is evil. As far as the Nazi and racist imagery the right is putting out, the worst the mainstream right can be accused of is portraying Bush as a monkey in web cartoons (which doesn’t have the same connotation for white people), a doofus on comedy shows and feeling a perverse pleasure that all the “W”‘ keys were missing from the White House keyboards when the Bush administration arrived on January 20, 2001.

Moveon.org’s ad was not appropriate and they apparently got the message. It didn’t seem to get a lot of airplay. The Democratic party never encouraged its members to yell at their members of Congress. I never went to a local park and saw a picture of Bush depicted as Hitler or any other terrorist. It may have happened elsewhere but it wasn’t often. There was a fringe movement; it wasn’t mainstream.

When I went to the health care rally, I saw people carrying awful signs. These were not awful people. They were people who go to church, care for their families, and work hard at jobs they may or may not like. They shop at Wal-mart and go to brunch at the Pub on Sunday. They watch Fox News and listen to the Republican Party hate machine.

I don’t know what the answer is but there is a crazy divide in this country that’s got to stop.

Photos from Last Night's Health Care Rally

Posted on August 13, 2009 by danineAdmin

Here are some photos I took from last night’s health care rally in Rhinelander, WI

Lots of well behaved people were there

Health care for Everyone, No "Cherry Picking"

Americans want health care reform now (with American flag)

Left: No idea; Center: Health Care: Think it's expensive now? Just wait until it's free" Right: "There's no government like less government"

Left: No hope in socialized medicine; Right: Ms. Pelosi & Mr. Hoyer... Socialism is un-American!

And of course….

sign behind: Wake up before it's too late; Joker: New World Order

Talk to me!

Posted on August 10, 2009 by danineAdmin

Ok, so it appears the contact page is working – Yee-haw! So drop me a line, already! On to updating the portfolio page, adding stuff I’ve already written so I can get to writing new stuff. (Stuff, stuff, stuff. I can just hear my high school history teacher yelling at me for using the word “stuff.” We weren’t allowed to use the words “stuff”, “thing”, or “junk” in his class. Good guy, though.)

Contact me….